news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Good News: The Messiah has returned and he is on Facebook

(SNN) – It looks like the Messiah has returned and he has announced his arrival on Social Media. According to his business page on Facebook, Lord Yahell's, current address is “The New Kingdom” and he currently has two awards under his belt, “The Cross” and “The Crown”.

“I stumbled across the Messiah's Facebook page when I Googled “Messiah has arrived”, said a recent convert to Yahellism. “I heard he came to earth in a UFO last winter.” According to a news report from FoxNEWS, a UFO was seen by many to shoot up in the air from The Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem, and then descend back down only to hover. “Over the past year, we have supplied absolute proof of this claim, providing documentation of our Lord's continuing fulfillment of prophecy, from major media sources, as well as ancient scripture.” said a statement from the 'Messiah's' website.

The Facebook business pages bio reads, “The Returned Christ, Lord Yahell, also known as The Messiah, Yeshua to the Jews, Isa to the Muslims, and Jesus to the Christians. Rev 19:13 And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. Ya = God, Hell = You get the Picture.”

“The only concern I have is that 'The Lord' is choosing to market himself and his message from Social Media like Twitter, Google Plus and Facebook,” said theology student D.T. Thomas, “I really believed that 'The Lord' would arrive in a more dynamic fashion.” According to Facebook, since his arrival on January 28th, 2011, 'The Messiah' has just over 1500 likes on Facebook.

“I need more proof,” said Thomas. “I tried to have an audience with Yahell, to see if he could clear up my case of herpes, but he refused to see me. I am not convinced.”

“What does the world need to believe that the second-coming has occurred and he is living right here in the good-old US of A?” said Yehellism spokesperson, Judy Escargot, “Walk on water, feed the masses, party likes it's 1999!?”

The Sage has learned that Yahellism's plan is to replace all the major religions, Islam, Christianity, Judaism and New Age within one thousand years. “Oh we got time,” said Escargot. “Lord Yahell is going nowhere.”

“Well, I am not convinced," remarked Thomas. “Ya.. no!”

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Brian K. Hahn



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^