(SNN) - As the agonizing wait for the appearance of the Royal baby enters its second week, millions of people around the world, hooked to US daytime television and Supermarket check-out line magazines, are entering a barely-controlled frenzy. How can this nightmare be happening? With celebrity news being sprung upon us every few days, the amount of concentration it is taking to continue to think about other ‘celeb-insider-stuff’, while suffering slowly rising concern for the regal Foetus, is beginning to take its toll. Who knows which everyday previously-loved hero will suddenly belch forth a racial epithet? When can we safely say that some previously adored Hollywood star will be found to have been cheating on his wife for the last twenty years, or which New England Patriot will be jailed next?
Trying to keep up with all of this stuff must be as exhausting as attempting to keep tabs on Edward Snowden’s travel plans; and all of these ‘natural’ hold-ups to childbirth must be playing hell with the media’s timetable for events. What if Kate pops one out during a Big Brother meltdown, or – worse still – an unexpected Kardashian marriage? The lifecycle of Media coverage of a particular story doesn’t seem to take into account any kind of natural timing whatsoever; almost as if a reporter suddenly catches sight of Jennifer Anniston’s picture and thinks: “We haven’t tried to destroy her life for a couple of months – let’s see what we can come up with by Wednesday’s deadline.” The birthing of a child by a first time Mother (and a stick insect at that, isn’t she, Girls?) doesn’t play by the rules in this case.
By this writing, we are a week after the expected birth date – one that fell invitingly between Wimbledon and The Open, and early enough into the Tour De France for other Brits not to take the limelight away from it. But, what on earth happens now? Soon, we will be into the Premier League Soccer season, the new fall TV schedule, and the usual Kardashian divorce. When will there be the time, space, and the inevitable “Life” picture book of previous Royal Births, to maintain interest in the new heir to the British throne?
Alone, warm in its amniotic fluid universe, the Windsor ‘sprog-end’ has no idea that the entire World is awaiting its arrival, and gender, health, and name with a barely controlled fever of agitation. Closely followed by its Mother’s post-partum depressive collapse, her similarity to Diana’s mood swings, the ageing of its suddenly useless father, its schooling, its parent’s divorce, the abdication of her Grandfather on mental stability grounds, its school life, its dating habits, the poor thing is at present enjoying the last bit of peace its going to have. Let’s give it a break, for a change.
In my life, I have experienced, Charles’ bachelor life, Andrew’s Canadian education and private life, Anne’s marriages and divorces, weddings, kids, those ugly York girl’s fascinator hats that makes them look as if they are attacked by some gigantic, exotic, CGI insect, schools, deaths, Diana’s private life (A Kardashian wannabe, if ever there was one.), more births, weddings, break ups, and I’ve had enough of them. As long as it’s healthy, can we leave this kid alone, please? Go find something else to drool over, when your own life leaves you wanting something: I hear Justin Bieber is about to do something else to make you tut-tut the current generation.
Steve James is an Actor, Stand up, and Comedy writer in Vancouver BC. He is as sick of the Royal Family as the BC Media is of pipelines.
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