news director

Please Support our Sponsors

'Sorry, Detroit, We Only Bail Out Banks'

Obama Rules Out Help For Motor City


(SNN) U.S. president Barack Obama has declined to offer assistance to the heavily indebted city of Detroit citing “fiscal prudence and other important stuff like that.”

“We would really like to help out,” claimed Obama in a press conference in the Rose Garden on Friday, “But we’re kind of short this month ourselves.  Detroit is what… twenty billion in debt? Ours is almost twenty TRILLION. We should borrow money off them.”

Although the federal government stepped in during the fiscal crisis of 2008 to avert disaster for Wall Street and the ailing auto sector, the administration does not see any parallels with aiding a major city. This is despite the fact the federal government acted in the 70’s to prevent New York from declaring bankruptcy.

“If we bailed out Detroit, then what do we say to those people in Stockton and San Bernardino and Jefferson County and all those other cities and towns we’ve turned our backs on in the past?” Obama asked rhetorically. “We have to be fair.”

“It may have been worthwhile to help the municipality when they had, like, two million people, but they have now, what; 700,000, with people leaving in droves? If we wait long enough, it looks like the problem will take care of itself!”

Photo by: jm3 flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from Chris McKerracher

 

Recent

Most Viewed

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^