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Global Warming: We are all going to die!

(SNN) - The past few days have brought record heat to two-thirds of the States and much of Canada. In the state of New York, this has brought a mixture of reactions.

The first is “Oh goodness it is hot out, check on your neighbors before we all die”. Social Media is full of these warnings. The New York State Division of Homeland Security and Emergency Services Twitter account (@NYSDHSES) has issued a long stream of warnings:

  • Be aware. Persons with weight or alcohol problems are very susceptible to heat reactions.
  • In hot weather your body needs water to keep cool. Avoid beverages containing alcohol or caffeine.
  • Remember, Ice cream melts quickly in the heat, don’t let it stain your clothes.
  • Drink plenty of fluids particularly water (at least 2-4 glasses of water per hour during extreme heat) even if you do not feel thirsty
  • When attempting to fry an egg on the sidewalk, remember to sterilize the sidewalk first

Additionally, Local Governments are advising residents where to find air conditioned buildings, news casters are telling people to hydrate, and local emergency personnel are encouraging people to stay inside.

The Heat Index in western parts of New York State has reached over 100 degrees the past couple of days. Heat Index is calculated by meteorologists, and factors the air temperature along with the humidity, dew point, what the meteorologist ate for lunch, and how boring it is in the weather office, to come to a scientific number value reflecting how hot it feels outside.

Most people that this writer has observed, simply step outside and find out for themselves how hot it feels. They usually greet the oppressive heat with exclamations of disgust.

MastroAntonio Calor and Sandy Urfer vocally represent opposing viewpoints regarding whether this heat wave is due to global warming, or something else. Mas. Calor, excitedly espouses that the high temps point to the certainty of global warming. He vehemently asserts that “We are all gonna die.”

On the other side of the global warming issue, there are people like S. Urfer, who believes that global warming is either a hoax, conspiracy, or misinterpretation of the data by big government and responds with, “Chill out dude, it is summer. It’s supposed to be hot during the summer.”

Photo: Some rights reserved by Dennis Jernberg, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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