news director

Please Support our Sponsors

NSA Begs Public to Avoid Using the 'B' Word

'Just Stop It, You're Driving Us Crazy!'

(SNN) - Have you ever used the term ‘da bomb’ to describe something ‘awesome’ in a Facebook exchange? How about tweeted your feelings about the release of ‘The Lone Ranger’ or ‘Grown Ups 2’ and used the term ‘bomb’ to describe the ordeal? Many of us have employed the “B” word to relate information about a play at a football game or, perhaps, a play about a football game. In any case, if you used that word in any electronic conversation, chances are you have come to the attention of the NSA and they want you to both cease and desist.

“Do you know how many false alerts we get in a day thanks to the proliferation of the use of the word?” moaned the agent responsible for communications and public relations, John Smith (not his real pseudonym). “Millions… maybe billions. And frankly, I don’t care about the device you used to blast away a wall in your Zelda video game, or what you think of the comic they had on ‘Leno’. We’re looking for guys with explosive devices and frankly, they may be onto us, because no one ever uses the word if they really mean the word. They may be evil fanatic nutbars, but they’re not stupid.”

In an effort to free up strained agency resources, the NSA has come up with a public awareness program called “Don’t Say It, Unless You Mean It”. It is an attempt to get people to weed out the word from their personal use For The Good Of The Country.

“We want people to use such terms as ‘long pass’, ‘da swellest’ and ‘really sucked’ instead of that insidious “b” word,” explained Smith. “and don’t use the term ‘lip balm’ unless it is in text form. If, however, you intend to blow something up, by all means, we invite you to use the ‘B’ word generously..”

The majority of pundits in the major dailies have already opined the whole idea is the word the NSA is trying to avoid.

Photo by: cometstarmoon  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^