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FBI to Adopt RCMP's 'Musical Ride'

Despite Director's Endorsement, Rank and File Bucking Horse Idea

(SNN) - In what pundits are calling a pathetic, desperate attempt to garner positive publicity, The Federal Bureau of Investigation is stealing a page from their northern cousin’s playbook and creating their own version of the RCMP’s famed “Musical Ride”.

For those that have not heard of the “Musical Ride”, (i.e. anyone from any country other than Canada) it is a production of the somewhat bizarre Department of Show Business within the country’s national police force. The act consists of 32 actual police officers who have at least two years of service within the force.  The members and their horses perform complex drills and choreography to stirring music. The history of the famed ride goes back to the late 1800’s when they were still known as the North-West Mounted Police. The Ride was honored by a picture of the riders and horses in a circle with lances pointing to the centre gracing Canada’s fifty dollar bill. Wags quickly described the image as “a Canadian Firing Squad”.

Because of the goodwill created by the riders and the friendly community outreach opportunities the “Musical Ride” members present, U.S. officials had often yearned to have something similar to soften the image of their own force. For many, it seems the agency hasn’t had positive PR since the days of Efram Zimbalist Jr., and he hasn’t been on the force since ’74.

“We are very positive about adopting the ride,” said FBI director Robert Mueller, in a rare media availability. “We wanted to put our own stamp on it so, instead of the Mounties red serge uniforms, our members will wear their usual dark suits, sunglasses and fedoras for the U.S. version. There have been challenges, of course. Not a single one of our members has ever met a horse that we know of, but we are hopeful we will get the full support of all our agents.”

Some FBI officials, easily identified by their sunglasses and crouching poses while outside having a smoke were less than enthused about the project.

“I don’t care what a bunch of friggin Eskimos do for fun up there in gawdam Canada,” mumbled an agent who asked not to be identified. “I’m not prancing around on some friggin horse. We want to be taken seriously. What’s next, ’FBI’s Got Talent’?”

Photo by: Charles Barilleaux  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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