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National Anguish Over Toews Resignation

Much Loved Politician Will Be Greatly Missed

(SNN) - When Public Safety Minister Vic Toews announced his decision to resign his seat at the cabinet table and in Parliament, the public reaction was deafening. Crowds instantly gathered in the streets across the country to share the pain of the loss of such a much-loved leader. Though many disguised their grief with outward revelry and excitement, an undercurrent of sadness was obvious.

“Oh, this is terrible. He was like a father to me,” wept Toews fan, John Flynn of Flin-Flon. “Well, he was left alone with my Mom a few times, years ago, so you never know.”

“I almost feel like there’s been a death in the family,” 94 year-old Toews campaign volunteer, Angie O’Gram sobbed. “He always had such kindly features and twinkling merriment in his eyes. Mind you I’m quite blind, a bit senile and crazy as bat scat.”

From Citadel Hill in Halifax to the beaches at Tofino, Canadians expressed their deep grief at the sad news of Toews departure. Maypoles were erected for children to grimly dance around.  Music blared from speakers as strangers hugged one another; their anguished expressions twisted into what could ironically be mistaken for joy.

“It will be a long time until we get to have a leader that conducts himself with such moral rigidity as he did,” said long time Toews supporter, Phoebe Jeebies, “At least until the by-election." The only news more catastrophic than hearing that Vic stepped down, would be finding out that Mike Duffy was quitting.”

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