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Red Green to design drones for the RCMP

Drone use spurned on by FBI's success in the U.S.


(SNN) – Red Green, the host of the cancelled Canadian hit comedy, “The Red Green Show” , has won a successful bid to design and produce a prototype of a combined law enforcement attack drone aircraft for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Spurred on by the FBI's successful usage of drone aircraft in the U.S., the federal police service of Canada called for tenders for a dual purpose drone aircraft. Although the original tender was classified "TOP SECRET," the specifications were published online.  

The RCMP drone:

  • must be capable of hovering to an altitude of 50 meters.
  • must have a range of 500 metres.
  • must have the ability to discharge a crowd deterring round.
  • must have the ability to record video with sound.
  • must be produced for under five hundred dollars per unit.

“I was amazed at how much of the needed materials I had right here at the Possum Lodge,” said Green.

The successful bid from Green Duct Enterprises came in at just over two-hundred dollars per unit. “I got to think'in, that ah, those American fellas are pay'in way too much for those fancy drones,” quipped Green, “But with a little Port Asbestos ingenuity, and a fresh role of good-ole industrial strength duct tape, I came up with a real arse whopper!”

The result is what Green Duct Enterprises calls the Red Green Millennium Falcon Vector Hover and Touch Spy Arse Whopper Drone, or the RGMFVHTSAWD Model 100 for short.

“Yep, I am pretty proud of this baby,” said Green, “Ya see, I took a remote controlled Star Wars Millennium Falcon hover toy, duct taped a 40 disc Nerf Vortex Rapid Slam fire gun on top then added a 1st generation iPod touch to the underbelly, the results were pure possum inspired brilliance.”

The end result cost a total of $209.15 plus tax per drone. The initial flight tests were very successful. Green demonstrated it by flying into the Red Senate Chamber in Ottawa and successfully video recorded Mike Duffy sneaking back into the men's crapper. The RGMFVHTSAWD Model 100 then chased him out of the building by shooting 21 Nerf discs, stuffing his bare back-side as he bolted from the chambers.

“Based on the video evidence I believe we have the next revolution in law enforcement technology,” said an RCMP spokesperson, “The FBI have a great deal of catching up to do.”

The RGMFVHTSAWD Model 100 will be in full operation by 1:00PM, EST, Tuesday.


Photo by: (EDITED) Marcelo Braga flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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