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Newly Outed NSA To Sell Services To General Public

'We Can Offer Correspondence Management, Telephone Answering and Much More!'


(SNN) - When you’re a super-secret federal government spy agency, and life sends over a load of lemons in the form of having your cover completely blown, what else is there to do but make lemonade? In the spirit of lurching forward, the National Security Agency has begun offering a number of secretarial and data management services to anyone who wishes to pay for it.

“This is actually a very positive development for the agency,” claimed NSA spy chief, Ed Honcho. “Not only does it bring some much needed transparency to the organization, but we can offset some of our budgetary constraints with some numbers on the revenue side for a change.”

Up until now, the only way the NSA was able to raise revenue has been to sell the drugs from the drug dealers they catch using their surveillance technology.  They would often sell them to the same customers as the original dealer since they had their names on the dealers’ cellphones and Pinterest accounts.

“We’re really excited about the initiative,” crowed Honcho in a media access event. “We can offer such tasks as correspondence management very inexpensively; since we’re reading everything you get anyway. We also have a pretty good idea how you will answer. We will do it all for you. You won’t need to be involved at all. That’s 21st century convenience!”

Photo by: Seattle Municipal Archives  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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