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G8 Update: Obama and Putin Agree to Keep Arming Opposing Syrians

'We Make Money, They Make Money, It's a Win-Win Situation'

(SNN) - Sporting fake stern looks for the press, U.S. President, Barak Obama, and Russian President, Vladmir Putin, were likely smiling inside as they emerged from a highly secure, private meeting during the G8 meeting in Ireland. The pair had just agreed in principal to, once again, avoid sending any troops to Syria but to keep arming both sides. By following this approach, it keeps all the warring factions at each other’s throats while making a tidy profit selling arms to the various combatants.

(Editor’s note: The Sage News was privy to the talks only because we managed to hack Putin’s phone and switch it to “speaker”. We figure if the NSA can spy on us, what’s good for the goose…

The following is a small section of the transcript with the entire document available in a special section after The Sage automotive pullout.

Putin: So my swarthy comrade, it’s going to business as usual, hmmm?

Obama: I just want to be very clear that this transaction is solely for the good of the American people. Especially some really rich, generous American people.

Putin: Save your grandstanding for the media scrum. And shut off that ridiculous teleprompter.

Obama: Fine. Let’s get down to it. We have lined up small arms sales totaling 600 large to three al-Qaeda units, four Hezbollah groups  and a platoon from a militant wing of the Red Hat Ladies. We don’t want any of these factions to get too powerful. To the freedom fighters who are pretending to like us right now, we are selling them about a half a mil of rocket propelled grenades and other higher end merch. It is exactly as we set out in our last contract.

Putin: That’s perfect, my friend. We have sent identical armaments to Bashar. The poor bugger. I’m sure he will meet an untimely end. I have “beheaded” in the G8 leader pool.

Obama: I went with “shot in the back by a guard”. That frickin David Cameron beat me to “cyanide in the fake tooth”. Anyway, here’s the contracts for the next fiscal year for you to peruse…

Photo by: Jedimentat44  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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