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Harper Names Former General To Head Up CSA Death Star Program

'Screw Science, It's Time To Militarize The Canadian Space Agency'


(SNN) - Stephen Harper has named Walter Natynczyk, a former armed forces general who once held the post of Chief of Defence Staff, to head up the Canadian Space Agency and their ultra-top secret Death Star initiative.  

“We are very anpissatatory… anpissatatory… excited… to welcome Mr. Natynczyk to the CSA,” said a somewhat tipsy Stephen Harper to reporters in Paddy’s Pub and Spud Shoppe, in Dublin. The PM was in Ireland for meetings with his Irish counterpart, Patty O’Furniture. “It is great timing to bring Walt on board as we prepare to launch our new super hush-hush Death Star… I mean asteroid research program.”

The position of Space Agency director had become available after media darling Chris Hadfield stepped down from the position after he had become absorbed by an alien pod. He is said to be pursuing a singing career with his new band, Bobby and the Body Snatchers. Insiders claim Hadfield was covertly pushed aside by the agency’s board for not being in agreement with the militarization of space.

“They want to do for the CSA what J. J. Abrams did to the latest Star Trek movie,” complained Hadfield to a trusted, loyal friend who immediately contacted The Sage. “We are supposed to be about discovery, not destruction.”

Natynczyk was not available for comment as he was being fitted for a new jet-black environmental suit and receiving lessons in the use of “The Force”.

Photo by: Bruce Irving  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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