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Sphincters Fail For Duffy, Wallin, Harb and Brazeau As Ex-Senator Levigne Gets Jail Time

Scandal-Plagued Politicians Poop Their Collective Pants

(SNN) The senator who was caught using his office staff to clear land on his property, dig a swimming pool and gild his driveway, on taxpayer time, plus was found to have submitted fraudulent travel claims, has been sentenced to six months in jail. The judge in the case against ex-Senator Raymond Levigne waived any leniency, suggesting it was the only time in his judicial career he regretted not being able to sentence a criminal with the stocks.

“Horse-whipping might be a tad strong, though only by a hair. It’s as close as damn is to swearing,” ruled Judge Harvey "Noose" Roper. “What this really calls for is a good public shaming. Putting you in stocks by the tourist center on Parliament Hill would have been perfect. I’d even have settled for a tattoo on your forehead saying ‘I ripped you off!’ but no. All I get to do is send you to jail. I hereby sentence you to six months. You’re lucky you’ll still get your senate pension.”

When The Sage asked the four senators under review about their reaction to the news they were all shocked and shaken.

“Oh my *&^%#$^*,” gasped Mike Duffy; his eyes doing a great Marty Feldman impression. “I wonder if they have red-flagged my passport! Does Canada have an extradition agreement with PEI?”

“J-j-j-j-jail?” whispered Pamela Wallin hoarsely. “I-I need a paper bag! I’m hyperventilating! Why won’t anyone return my calls?!”

“I don’t want to go to jail!” wailed Mac Harb, who has been ordered to repay over $200,000 in inappropriate expense claims which he is fighting in court. “I don’t want some guy named “Bubba” to defile my upper chamber!”

“If only I had beaten that lucky son of a dung beetle, Trudeau, none of this would be happening,” moaned Patrick Brazeau. “I coulda been a contender!”

Photo by: D Services  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed


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