news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Quebec Soccer Federation Rules 'Brown Skin and Funny Accents' Unsafe

'We Don't Want These Kids To Get Hurt'


(SNN) - The controversial Quebec Soccer Federation has once again raised eyebrows across the province, the nation and the world by ruling that kids with “brown skin and funny accents” create an unacceptable risk to other children on the field. These kids will no longer get to play organized soccer in that province “for their own good”.

“We are just trying to be pro-active with this safety issue,” claims Bridgette Frenchenblanc, Director-General of the federation. “These kids are much more difficult to see against a dark background such as trees and could cause collisions with much easier to see white children. Plus, with their accents, they aren’t always understood and this creates other hazards. To show we’re not racists, we are extending the ban to include Anglos with atrocious French accents.”

Frenchenblanc added that they are simply following FIFA rules which do not actually stipulate what color skin or accents are acceptable for soccer players to have.

Quebec Premier, Pauline Marois, was overjoyed at the news. When asked what she would tell kids that they can’t play their sport because of the new rules, she simply shrugged.

“It’s okay,” she responded off-handedly. “Those people don’t feel pain like regular folks.”

Photo by: Julius Volz flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from Chris McKerracher

 

Recent

Most Viewed

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^