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Wanted Terrorist arrested in Canada.

Dangerous operative traded from one group to another until he was turned over to CSIS.

(SNN) - CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) apprehended wanted terrorist Abu Gewad after a Monsanto company representative handed him over. Originally put on a terrorist watch list, Gewad was known to have worked with terrorist organizations worldwide. He is considered one of the most well connected operatives.

The Sage has learned that Gewad was traded from one terrorist organization to another until he was left tied up on the doorstep of Monsanto Company. Confused, Monsanto called CSIS.

Within forty-eight hours, a secret report landed in the hands of The Sage; it painted the picture of a team member that was considered undesirable.

While a member of an Abdullah Azzam Brigade, Abu Gewad, in an effort to bomb a group of diplomats, blew up a truck of chickens instead. Feathers gummed up the trigger mechanism of a second explosive device, which prematurely detonated blowing up a shipment of hummus on the way to a brigade tupperware party.

Gewad was then traded to Al-Badr, where upon his first mission, identified the wrong target and blew up a fruit-stand in Saudi Arabia; he was immediately traded to Ansar Dine.

While with Ansar Dine, Gewad began to live up to his name. He was to lead a group to highjack an Aeroflot airliner and crash it into the Kremlin in Moscow. Instead, Gewad stole a vintage Gotha Go 242 from a German war museum and attempted to pull it to flight with an under-powered single engined Cessna. The Gotha, with three crew members from Al-Badr onboard, slammed it into a large pig operation on the steppes. Upon landing, Gewad was immediately traded to the Egyptian Vanguards of Conquest.

The Egyptians detected Gewad's penchant for error within twenty-four hours of welcoming him into the V.O.C. when he toilet bombed the washrooms at the Cairo International Airport. He was then traded to the Irish terrorist organization Fianna Éireann.

The Irish, not known to be stupid, took one look at him, tied him up and delivered him to Monsanto, with a note pinned to his chest, "Returned for refund, please apply a credit to our account."

The Sage has learned that CSIS interviewed Abu Gewad and was unable to extract any intelligence. CSIS has since traded him off to the CIA.  

Photo by: Eexlebots flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor the article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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