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The Anti-Anti-Anti Ballistic Missile Race Heats Up.

"How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb."

(SNN) – On the heals of the US announcement that it would resume its ABM (Anti-Ballistic Missile) program in Europe, Russia has developed a next-generation ABM that can supposedly pierce any anti-ballistic missile (ABM) system. Dubbed the AABM (Anti-Anti-Ballistic Missile) program, the system can destroy any ABM that the US can launch against any incoming ICBM (Intercontinental Ballistic Missile)

Fearing the fallout from debris left during any AABM strike against any US launched ABM, Finland has developed a new system of AAABM (Anti-Anti-Anti-Ballistic Missiles). “Yes, we feared da worscht type of situation,” said leading Finnish Rocket Scientist, Sven Antruska, “We believe the next war will be fought in the air in stopping defensive missiles only. Our new AAABM system will stop both US and Russian defensive missiles over Norway.”

Norwegian officials were startled at this revelation, and The Sage has learned that they quickly acquired a new AAAABM system, dubbed the “Four Wrongs Make a Right” defensive missile system from the Chinese. “Yes, we bought these babies from the Chinese for a song,” said Norway’s Defence Minister, “We can drop the US, Russian and Finnish defensive missiles over Iceland.”

The Sage has learned that the response from Iceland was one of incredulity, whereby they acquired a fifth level AAAAABM system from Kazakstan, dubbed the IDMS (Icelandic Defensive Missile System). It is believed that with the Icelandic system in place, the US, Finnish, Norwegian, Icelandic and Russian ABMs will be dropped over Quebec.

In response to the threat of Anti-Ballistic Missile debris falling on Quebec, the PQ Premier, Pauline Marois, has gone on record with this statement, “Quebec does not recognize the actions outside our sovereign borders, therefore we will not accept any ABM debris. Today, I have passed a new exclusionary bill that prohibits anybody who is not a born citizen of Quebec from disposing any trash inside our provincial boundaries”

The Canadian Prime Minister's Office's response to the statement was, “Yes, that ought to do it.”

Photo by: Altered Dan Century flickr photostrean, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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