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Wal-Mart Institutes Parking Zones For Colossal Jerks

Parking in Fire Lanes Reduced 84%


(SNN) - In an effort to cater to every demographic possible, Wal-Mart stores have set up signs  in the fire lanes in front of their stores labeled “Self-Important Jackasses Who Think They’re Better Than Everyone Else Parking”. It was an obvious ploy to attract the highly sought after “Self-Important Jackass” market they have never been able to land, thanks to the attraction of more exclusive retailers such as Chanel Boutique, Abercrombie & Fitch and Lululemon.

Unexpectedly, however, following the installation of preferred parking status for this group, the incidence of people parking in fire lanes dropped to a fraction of what it had been.

“It was the darnedest thing,” Wal-Mart Vice President of Parking (Canada), V. Hickle told The Sage in a telephone interview. “After we put up the signs, people parking in these areas dropped by 84%.  We still don’t know if these people are parking elsewhere or simply refusing to self-identify.”

Wal-Mart has tried other specialty parking spaces in the past besides the required handicapped zones. They have also experimented with special spots assigned for, “Parent with small children”, “Children with small parents” and “Cars that need a ring job”; this one usually located in the back row closest to automotive.

“Is the new signage a success?” Hickle pondered. “It will depend on the numbers at the end of the quarter. That’s all that really matters in life, isn’t it?”

Photo by: Jeff Nickerson flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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