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Eight Arrested at Kindergarten Graduation.

Graduation melee: A whole new definition for kindergarten cops

(SNN)Toronto, ON. Eight parents at a Kindergarten Graduation were arrested after a fight broke out in the middle of the valedictorian speech. “Little Missy Boucher was in the middle of thanking her fellow graduates during her speech, when one of the parents yelled obscenities at her,” said Iona Roach, school custodian. “Then she took off one of her high-heeled pumps and nailed Missy smack dab in the middle of the forehead.”

What took place after that was nothing short of a melee. One mother grabbed the breast of another and ripped off her bra. A father piled on top of the offender and ripped her wig off then stuffed it down her throat. Two more parents started to wail away at a teacher. The graduating class started to cry, and the front row of students let loose their bladders. “All hell broke out,” said one on-looker. “It was F@%k'in unreal. My eyes started to burn!”

Riot Police were called in and the fight was still on when the officers arrived. When the fighting settled, the Kindergarden graduates were all dishevelled, urine was everywhere, and many parents had black eyes, missing hair, and torn blouses.

The Sage learned that the fight was over one mother upset that little Missy Boucher was selected over her daughter to give the big speech. “Yeah, she cheated on her final exam, right off my daughter's paper,” said Ingrid Stegfield. “My daughter used red watercolour for a bird sitting in a tree, and Missy used red also. But the thing is, I know that blue is Missy's favourite colour. That brat is a cheat!”

Stegfield was heard screaming at the top of her lungs, “She cheated, it was blue, it was blue, it was blue!” As the paddy wagon pulled away. The remaining parents could be heard chanting the same three words, “It was blue,” as they were hauled away.

“The graduation ceremonies for the Kindergarten have really gotten out of hand in the past three years.” said Toronto School Security Guard, John Kimble. “What ever happened to the days when kids only graduated from High School?”

Missy Boucher was looked at by paramedics and released with no serious injuries.  

Photo by: Charles de Jesus flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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