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VIDEO: Al Qaeda Fires Terrorist by Letter

(SNN) – Two years ago when Bal Mukhtar applied for a position with the terrorist organization, Al Qaeda, little did he know that he would rise in the ranks from civil disobedience organizer to senior bomb maker within such a short time. Now, at the age of just thirty-six, Mukhtar received a two page letter from the Al Qaeda Shura Council advising him that he has been fired.

“Every operative undergoes a field evaluation, and Mukhtar just did not cut the hummus.” said Grabbir Boubi, spokesperson for Al Qaeda in Nigeria, “In his ten page performance review he received thirty complaints from other members in good standing.”

The Sage has learned that among the complaints, Mukhtar was cited to suffer in several areas, including but not limted to:

  • Failing to answer his telephone or return messages.
  • Failing to release the trigger on his bomb vest.
  • Failing to reach level five on Microsoft Flight Simulator.
  • Failing to attend regular planning meetings during men's night.
  • Allowed his wife to hold a job outside the home.
  • ..and failing to file expense reports.

Terrorist watcher and strategist, Shaif Hirboush, advised that Mukhtar was a rising star and will surely be missed. “I hope another organization picks him up,” said Hirboush, “He looks so fetching in a bomb vest.”

Photo by: Jon Olav flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.



DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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