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Ontario Seniors Busted for Penny Smuggling Scheme

U.S. Border Guard Seizes Bus Full of Piggy Banks


(SNN) - A busload of Ontario senior citizens, disguised as Canadian hockey players, had hoped to drop a few disgraced one-cent coins at the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. Instead, they were detained at the International Falls border after the main scale at the border’s weigh-station shut down due to excessive weight caused by piggy banks crammed full of the shunned currency.  The pennies, no longer being distributed in Canada, are strictly prohibited from entering the United States.  “We already have gobs of worthless pennies here,” complained wild-eyed Deputy Border Guard, Berney Fiife, “We don’t need no more! They’re all over the streets! People drop ‘em and don’t bother to pick ‘em up. Ladies are walkin’ around with one shoulder lower than the other from toting purses full of ‘em. Bank tellers give customers the evil eye when they bring ‘em into the bank in large canning jars. Those Canuck coins aren’t goin’ anywhere pass this line I just drew in the dirt here!  I double dog dare you to try to reach your little piggies across my line!”

The senior smugglers, led by bus driver Sundog Moonshine, an old hippie who listed his residence as Woodstock, Ontario, were reported to be cooperative, handing over all their pink plastic piggy banks while being very careful not to cross the line. Upon making sure all piggies were accounted for, Fiife was rumored to have offered Moonshine a swap of one piggy bank for a hit of weed. Moonshine declined saying all he wanted to do was to go back to Woodstock. The rumored deal was left out of the official report.

Photo by: kenteegardin flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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