news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Amazon Catches Woman Online Shoplifting On Their Site

Scam Cunning In Its Simplicity

(SNN) Officials with Amazon, the world’s most popular online retailer, have announced they have caught a woman shoplifting from their shopping website. Spokesman for the company, Gil Bates, described how the theft occurred.

“It is quite brilliant, yet so retro,” admired Bates. “She simply added a sweater to her “cart” and then snuck a whole bunch of jewelry and electronics under the sweater. It’s like the old welfare cases used to do at Woolco.”

The woman has been identified as Sophie Barnstock, a 35 year old nail technician who lives at 27 Rankin Boulevard in St. Paul, Minnesota. Her Facebook name is Sophie Barnstock but on Adult Friend Finder, she is listed as Sexytart29.  Her Mastercard number is 3748 5161 3482 3411 and her PIN is 1234.”

“We salute Ms. Barnstock and appreciate her bringing to our attention deficits in our checkout system," Bates went on. “However, we will still prosecute the thieving skank to the fullest extent of the law. People tend to forget the Internet isn’t nearly as anonymous as we think it is.”

Interestingly, the technology explosion has far outpaced our society’s ability to regulate it and online shop-lifting is a new area for the courts to consider. Will Barnstock actually be punished for her offense? Will the courts take into account the online shaming of the defendant in sentencing if she’s found guilty? As every journalist says as they struggle to find something pithy to sign off with; only time will tell.

Photo by: Zac Zellers flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^