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Rob Ford's Janitor Resigns

'I Can't Work Under These Conditions'

(SNN) - The man entrusted with the cleaning the office of the Mayor of Canada’s largest city has walked off the job. Night custodian, Clark Kempt, after completing his duties, symbolically turned off the lights, being the last person remaining from Ford’s administration.

“Who can work like this? “ asked the gentle 62 year-old army vet. “You wouldn’t believe what’s in this guy’s 45 gallon waste basket. It looks like the empty packaging of the contents of an entire 7/11 and McDonald’s combined. If this guy is addicted to anything, it's salt, fat, sugar and Junior Mints.”

In a scrum with 80% of Canada’s major news media, Kempt was almost verbally assaulted as he was peppered with questions from the pair of reporters. The once-loyal custodial specialist, however, brushed them aside.

“Woah, woah, guys,” Kempt pushed back. “I wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition. I will just say that I am very tired of cleaning up all the mess, after those Toronto Star guys go through the garbage cans ahead of me. I wouldn’t mind if they would put everything back the way it was, but no. They feel it is their right to spread garbage with impunity.”

Photo by: Bart Everson flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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