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Big Oil Jacks Up Gas to Disprove Long Weekend Gas Gouging Conspiracy

'It's Not About Supply and Demand But Our Need to Buy More Politicians'


(SNN) - To counteract public perception that the recent spike in gas prices was due to upward demand from “May Long” camping enthusiasts, fuel retailers increased fuel pricing immediately following the Victoria Day long weekend.

“We don’t want to appear like money-grubbing opportunists,” explained one major petroleum company executive who agreed to be interviewed in exchange for anonymity. “We just need to stash away a few more bucks to help lubricate the Keystone XL pipeline debate in the corridors of power, if you know what I mean. Them politicians don’t come cheap.”

The executive, who hastened to say he wasn’t a “Mr. Big” in the industry, but more like a “Mr. Medium” or a “Mr. Fair to Middlin’”, added that it was important to dispel the myth that every long weekend means a jump in the price at the pump, despite the fact it happens every time without fail.

“We realize if the public knew we were screwing them this badly, they would switch to smaller, more economical transportation, like much of Europe has embraced,” the exec said. “Ha! Just joking. We know we can charge North Americans whatever we like and they will pay it. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Photo by: peggydavis66 Flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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