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Health Canada Warns Bacon Addiction On the Rise

'It's like Smoky Maple-Flavored Crack'


(SNN) - Dr. Arnold Peccary of the Health Studies Division of Health Canada has made an announcement about the dangers of the skyrocketing incidence of bacon abuse. Peccary, spokesman for the department stated at the press conference that if the problems associated with bacon dependency aren’t dealt with, the cost to society will be crippling.”

“It’s not bad if you maybe have a slice or two on a weekend breakfast out,” warned the good doctor, “or perhaps a couple of slices on the occasional hamburger. They’re also awesome wrapped around big, fat juicy Atlantic scallops. I could eat a ton of those…”

Shaking his head in an apparent attempt to rid himself of the tasty image, Peccary continued. “As I was saying, bacon in moderation isn’t harmful. The trouble begins when bacon becomes a part of every meal and a snack-food, as well. We knew we were in trouble when our operatives witnessed deep-fried bacon wrapped in, you guessed it, more bacon, at the midway during the fair. It’s like an edible heart attack.”

According to government records, bacon consumption in Canada has been climbing steadily in the last ten years to a point where the average Canadian eats his weight in bacon annually, irrespective of the size of the Canadian in question. The bigger they are, the more bacon they eat and vice versa. It has even become a badge of courage with college kids who see how much they can down in their “bacon bongs”.

Cherry Swinefeld of Mothers against Bacon Binging, (MABB) echoed Peccary’s statement.

“The only way to stop the madness is to either ban bacon altogether, or tax it to the hilt to prevent over-consumption,” Swinefeld stated in her address. “Even if we save just one life, it will have been worth it.”

Photo by: Dinner Series  Flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

 

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