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Harper Announces End to Federal Bilingualism Policy

'Providing Services in Both Official Languages Nuts'

(SNN) - In an astonishing move, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has proclaimed the attempts to foster national unity through enforced bilingualism throughout Canada has been a total bust and will be wound down as soon as possible. 

“Having governmental services available in two languages, where only one is spoken by the vast majority of the population is insane,” stated the PM in Parliament. ”This policy has cost the government billions since its inception and it’s time to stop the madness. We will, of course, provide dual language services where it is warranted and technological solutions for areas where either French or English is a tiny minority.”

In the address, Harper touched on the fact this change in policy should not have any effect on French/English relations since Quebec Premier Marois’ PQ government sees English Canada as a peer nation and doesn’t particularly care what happens in it. Considering her attempts to increasingly limit English in Quebec, even where there are large populations, means it is a glass house for Marois to be throwing rocks in.

A snap poll to gauge the reaction across the country was commissioned by Sage News with the polling company The Result You Want, and it appears support for the end of the policy was overwhelmingly positive. In fact, there was an instantaneous leap of popularity of the Harper Conservatives of 15.4%.

Opposition Leader Tom Mulcair could not be reached for comment having bitten off his own tongue in apoplectic rage. Justin Trudeau’s handlers advised that the Liberal leader was on a national speaking tour and did not want to be interrupted.

Photo by: scazon Flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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