news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Original Wizard of Oz Characters to be Cast in New Star Wars Flick

(SNN) - Successful Star Wars series producer, George Lucas, has announced that many of the characters from the classic 1939 production of The Wizard of Oz have been cast in his newest creation for the Star Wars franchise, the renamed Star Wars Episode VII: Beyond the Rainbow, to be released in 2015.  

Dorothy, who will play Princess Leia, has just signed an amended version of her contract. After the Kansas darling had a meltdown in Hair and Makeup, her attorney, Dusty Wind, hammered out a clause that relieved her of being coiffed into Leia’s famous croissant hair rolls. Instead, Dorothy will wear cornrows interwoven with ruby ribbons to match her slippers.

The Scarecrow, who is a trained contortionist, was selected to play the part of R2-D2 after he masterfully folded himself in half during auditions using an algorithm he developed when stuck to his garden guard post.

The Tin Man, whose acting skills were a bit rusty, triumphed by winning the part of Golden Bot, C-3P0, after he agreed to undergo teflon treatments. Teflon therapy has proven effective in preventing seize-ups during rehearsals, saving the production company time and money.

Thanks to a persistent sore throat, the Cowardly Lion beat out a couple of Yeti’s and King Kong for the part of Chewbacca after flawlessly delivering several lines of Chewie’s famous Wookiee wail. Cepacol and Chloraseptic will not be allowed on the set until after the final wrap.

The Wizard will take on the role of Supreme Jedi Master, Yoda. Academic syntactician and voice coach, Bacck Ward Speek, an expert in Yodic, was overheard instructing the Wiz, “Listen, will you. Learn, will you. Forget, will you, the idiot behind the curtain.”

Former Head Grip, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, recently promoted to Casting, just returned from a trip to Munchkinland, where he recruited a group of hairy little people to play the Ewoks.The President of the Lollypop Guild, Lil Sukker, will portray the Ewok hero, Wicket W. Warrick.

The Wicked Witch, a self-admitted asexual, will take on the role of Darth Vader. She is suggestively undergoing intense hypnosis therapy designed to turn her on to heavy breathing. In a recent interview, the newly awakened star admitted that she kind of liked it.

Babs Baboon, Director of Primate Casting, recently confirmed that The Flying Monkeys will play the parts of the Storm Troopers. Although they are elated, the winged menaces are reported to be very worried about how they are going to scratch themselves.

It has yet to be decided who will play the parts of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, although Glinda the Good Witch is the likely choice for the role of the Jedi High Master, Obi-Wan. It’s rumored that the production may see financial trouble if Glinda will not agree to the role. The High Master’s lightsaber is reported to cost an arm and a leg. If Glinda signs on, her famous magic wand can be converted to an adequate lightsaber at half the cost. It is reported that she is their only hope.

Photo by:  Fr. Dougal McGuire flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Dixie Ohlander



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^