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Palin and Bachmann to Replace Penn and Teller

(SNN) EXCLUSIVE TO THE SAGE: A questionable, but persistent source reports that the tag team of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann has been recruited to replace talented magicians, Penn and Teller, who are ending their successful careers after over 30 years of bringing fun and intrigue to appreciative audiences around the world. Palin and Bachmann have already begun their training at the Laughs and Illusions Magic Camp, Rookie Division, in Reno. The transition will take place on April 1, 2014, when Penn and Teller perform their last “Penn and Teller: BS!” act at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas. Immediately after their final act, George “Shrub” W. Bush will introduce Palin and Bachmann, who will perform their first act as “Palin and Bachmann, PMS!”. Bush was strongly persuaded by the former presidential hopeful and Congresswoman, Bachmann, to emcee the puzzling event.

Interviews and negotiations with Bachmann began last month when Penn flew to DC during a break from filming The Celebrity Apprentice. Penn admitted to being creeped out by Bachmann who stared him down and then tried to grab him around his neck, but failed because she couldn’t jump high enough. Penn became frightened at her incoherence and wild-eyed look; for his safety, he had his attorney delete the coaching clause in her contract. After Bachmann calmed down, the contract was completed.

Palin, moose hunter and money grubber, became famous when 2008 presidential hopeful, John McCain, desperately seeking a running mate, drew her name from a hat. The former Alaska governor recently entered negotiations with Teller when he arrived in Wasilla. After touring Palin territory by snowshoe, Teller agreed to teach a few simple tricks to Palin to test her mettle. Palin quickly wrote the tricks down on her left hand, saving the right hand for crib notes in preparation for the big, scary interview with Katie Couric next month.

After he hands over his cards to Palin, Teller plans to study broadcast journalism under CNN’s Anderson Cooper. It’s reported that Teller will take over the Ridiculist, providing he can learn to giggle like Cooper. Penn, who has had extensive talks with Donald Trump, will become Head Producer of Comedy Relief for The Celebrity Apprentice. Apparently, Penn has already worked his magic. The Donald has reportedly agreed to Penn’s demand that he lose the comb over and wear his hair like a normal money hoarding CEO.

Tickets for the April 1, 2014 extravaganza go on sale on Halloween, but will be limited unless your name is Bush, Cheney, or Rumsfeld. The “Palin and Bachmann: PMS!” tour will make its first stop in the rural community of What Cheer, Iowa on May Day.

Photos by: Gage Skidmore's flickr photostream (Palin & Bachmann) - TechCrunch50-2009's flickr photostream (Penn & Teller), Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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