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Moose Dies During Relocation After Jaunt Through BC Safeway

Archie Comics Fans in Mourning

Smithers, BC. - Followers of the comic book character Archie and his friends, Jughead, Reggie, Betty, Veronica and Moose were devasted to hear one of “the gang” had met his end. “Big Moose” as he was affectionately known as was popular with Archie and his friends, as well as their legions of aficionados. Moose excelled in every sport but needed the gang to help with his academics.

Police and coroner phones were ringing off the hook from concerned Moose fans who were all relieved to hear it was actually a real moose that died. All except for one group; People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).

PETA officials also commented on the report with spokesperson Anita Life explaining the group’s position.

“If it were up to us, we would much prefer a human would have died rather than some poor defenseless little moosie,” Life claimed in a written statement to the press.

Staff Sergeant Dudley D Wright, responding to the calls from PETA representativess was frustrated. “Man, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a PETA member,” Wright stated bitterly.

Officials at the grocery store, speaking on condition of anonymity, underlined that shopping at their business was still a safe way to get groceries and has asked the PETA people to stop protesting in their meat aisle.

 Photo by: Sumurai 8 flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor the article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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