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Canadian Group Lobbying Facebook to Ban Senior Abuse

Maxine Cartoons in Jeopardy

(SNN) - A Canuck-based advocacy group for the aged has approached the popular social-networking site Facebook to have seniors included in the groups of people that are spared negativity on the website.

If they get their way, jokes such as, ‘What’s the most popular bra size in an old folks home? 42 long,' will be no longer tolerated.

“There are all kinds of people who are afforded special protection from abuse,” explained a Facebook marketing vice-president, known only as RandyDandy47 on his home-page.

In a timeline status update, Mr. Dandy47 fleshed out the company’s position.“We will react to complaints based on racism, even for Swedes, as well as sexism, genderism, gayism, country of origin, colour of skin, colour of country of origin, people with disabilities and countries with lousy ethnic food. We didn’t add ageism because we ran out of space in the reply area.”

The Veep added that another reason the extreme elderly aren’t specifically protected is that it would wipe out about a third of all Internet jokes and cartoons.“Like, there’s this one cartoon of an old guy trying to feel up this old broad and the broad is saying, “They’re not up there anymore, Stanley.' That’s great stuff! Are you going to censor that? It’s hilarious!”

One of the worst offenders for ageism-related hate literature is the shadowy comic character known only as “Maxine” who constantly shows elderly persons as cranky, forgetful, and jaded; with dubious control of their bodily functions. However, it is feared any attempt to criminalize possession of such literature will be made difficult since seniors themselves are the biggest consumers of this kind of humour.

According to 85 year-old retired machinist Walter Schmdke, who goes on Facebook to keep up with his grandchildren, he “doesn’t give a s**t” about ageism on the net.

“I know there’s some young folks on here that are mean-spirited toward the elderly, but mark my words, they will change their tune in a few years, guaranteed. Just wait til the young bastards are as old as me. They’ll be crying like little girlies… Mwahahahahaha!”

Photo by Chris McKerracher

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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