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Tattoos Gateway to Extreme Piercings

Expert Warns No Tattoo is a Safe Tattoo

(SNN) Professor Horace Schlitz of the Centers for Disease Control in Philadelphia has announced that tattoos gotten on a lark or a dare may one day lead to a life of horribly disfiguring, extreme body modifications.

“It all starts innocently enough,” claimed Professor Schlitz in an exclusive Sage interview. “You succumb to peer group pressure and maybe just get a little flower on your shoulder or a butterfly on your ankle. Your friends are so excited and supportive they shower you with all kinds of attention during the process. Then after the scab heals, you’re left with nothing but a picture that can only get uglier over time.”

Unfortunately, according to Schlitz, the danger isn’t over at that point. Instead, the tattoo victim starts getting more and more tattoos to get that same attention. Soon, even bizarre images on the skin aren’t enough and piercings become needed to get the same level of attention. Eventually, even the piercings go beyond just ear lobes, to eyebrows, lips, nipples, navels and hoo-hahs until that no longer shocks, so you start inserting things under your skin to give a bas relief kind of effect.

“No one is safe from the scourge of body modification,” warned the disease doc. “It may be a rose tat today, but tomorrow it’s a chunk of steel stuck in your body. Just say no to tats.”

Photo by: izatrini_com flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor the article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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