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Chinese Pandas Arrested for Espionage

Zoo Officials Suspicious of Odd Behavior

Toronto, ON. - The two giant pandas that were gifted to Canada for allowing the Nexen sale have been detained by CSIS agents. Although no statements have been made at press time from the Canadian spook agency, there has been much speculation about the detention of the giant herbivores. In particular were concerns from the panda handlers that the pandas failed to exhibit classic panda behavior, such as digging for roots and grooming their mates. Instead, the pandas were observed engaging in such activities as texting, signing onto their iPads, and taking numerous cell-phone photos and videos.

It was even reported, although as yet unconfirmed, that one panda unzipped his front and a short, thin, sweaty Asian man with sunglasses and a fedora emerged and went for a cigarette before re-entering the panda suit.

When contacted by The Sage, a panda expert sent by the Chinese government to accompany the panda pair in their move from Beijing, appeared evasive in his answers. “What seems to be a zipper in front of the suits, I mean, on the chests of the pandas, are scars from acid-reflux surgery,” explained Ho Lee Kow. “Have you ever eaten bamboo shoots? Heartburn city, man.”

The zoo has responded by calling in an authority on the subject. Karl Schmidt of Karl’s Krazy Kostumes on Bloor Street will be issuing a report after meeting with the pandas later today while they are in custody.

Photo by: Alberto Garcia flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.


DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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