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Deportation used to counter gang activity within Toronto's growing Afghan Hound population.


Toronto, ON. - According to Toronto Bylaw Enforcement, a roving gang of Afghan Hounds has been terrorizing the suburbs. It was reported that Toronto resident Kubla Khan, an unauthorized breeder of the Afghans, allowed nearly 5,000 of the beasts loose in protest of the new anti-breeding bylaw under consideration by city counsel.

In an effort to stifle the rampant breeding of Afghans, Toronto is looking to adopt a law that is currently enforced in Ventura County, California. In that county cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. “A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone.” blurted Kahn from his holding cell. Kahn issued his call to battle for his pack of Afghans from a bull horn, “All doggy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it,” came the wrath from Kahn.

Kahn's beasts first came to the attention of Toronto authorities from a local veterinarian. It was reported that the gang of Afghans is lead by a mean bitch named Gidget, “a few months ago I was taking her temperature in a routine check-up,” said Toronto veterinarian, Dr Amal Katz, “when Gidget bit down on my wrist and drew blood.”

The vicious dog complaint was filed and Kahn was found to be breeding 4,810 unregistered Afghan Hounds, living just inside of the city limits, near Scarborough where his breeding activities would not be noticed.

The Afghan Hound is one of the oldest dog breeds in existence. It acquired its unique features in the cold mountains of Afghanistan and east of Iran where it was originally used to hunt hares and gazelles.

The Afghan Hounds have a high prey drive and do not get along with small animals, postal workers, or anyone outside their pack. As result, the loose gang of Afghans has caused property destruction, urine stained lawns, fecal piles at park entrances and constant howling at all hours of the night.

“There is no way to integrate these Afghan Hounds into society” said Enforcement officer Bernard Fife, “The only solution is to send them back to Afghanistan where they came from.” City officials have drafted a recommendation to the Department of Immigration for deportation.

“If our application is rejected then the only answer is an all out armed conflict.” said Fife, “We will have to hunt down the bitch Gidget and the rest of her hounds, then put them down.”

Photo by: Brian Ungard flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

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