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Winds Shift: Minnesota To Send Clippers Back To Alberta

Minneapolis, MN. - Minnesota’s best environmental engineers have completed work on a giant wind generator designed to reverse the course of the frigid, fast moving winter storms known as Alberta Clippers. The generator will be mounted on Buffalo Ridge, close to the Fenton wind farm in southwestern Minnesota. The Minnesota National Weather Service office received multiple complaints from residents who say that they are fed up and can’t take one more day of the Alberta winter storms.

The unusually high number of clippers aimed at Minnesota this year is a result of an initiation ritual designed by Alberta’s provincial government Weather Czar, Kold Hart. “All new Canadian provinces have to be initiated in order to be recognized as a true province of which Canucks can be proud,” Hart explained, “there are no exceptions.” Minnesota, Canada’s newest addition, was recently annexed after a surprise secession from the U.S.

This year’s winter has been brutal. Minnesotans have been bombarded with one clipper after the other. On March 20, the first official day of spring, Minnesota residents awoke to single digit temperatures, icy sidewalks, and deep piles of crusted snow. “We just can’t pull out of this,” a weather weary St. Paul resident moaned. “We understand the initiation process and we love the Albertans, but enough is enough! The Minnesota Twins baseball opener is in two weeks and we have the new outdoor stadium now. What are we going to do? Send back the clippers!”

The new giant wind machine is mounted and ready to roar. “The next clipper that comes our way will be blown back at the border,“ Hart explained. “We are sorry that the Dakotas and Montana will have to experience these frigid storms twice over. We also regret that the good folks of Alberta must take the clippers back, but all is fair in annexation and initiation!”

Government officials from Minnesota and Alberta are scheduled to meet at the end of the month to discuss cessation of the initiation period. Minnesota is expected to propose removal of the giant wind generator on condition that initiation be stopped immediately. But what about next winter? Will the Albertans keep their clippers within their province or will they push a few toward Minnesota to see if the Minnesotans have truly converted to the Canuck way of life?

We watch, we wait.  

Photo by: Sean Hagen's flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor the article endorsed.


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