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Missing Link Evidence Found in the Ozarks


(SNN) - Scientists are up in arms debating the validity of a report out of Texarkana, Arkansas that the 'Missing Link' of human evolution has been discovered. “I am sorry, but the evidence is irrefutable,” said University of Arkansas Archaeologist, Bobby Ray, “we see clear, transitional evidence of Homo habilis and Homo erectus.”

Homo habilis lived 2.3 million years ago, and is believed to be the first stone tool users. Homo erectus is evidenced to have appeared 1.2 million years ago, finally evolving into homo sapiens (modern man). “It has always been a mystery to science how mankind made a leap without transitional fossil evidence.” said Peter Leaker, eminent paleontologist, “Little did we know that the evidence has been right in front of us all this time.”

Scholastic textbook publishers have already recalled current editions of the grade-school biology books; and what is the best example of proactive educational practices, they have rewritten sections covering human origins. “We will make sure that this new evidence is incorporated in the mandatory curriculum,” said Minister of Education of Arkansas, Max Baer.

A specimen will be under scrutiny for the next two years by special interest groups and religious organizations concerned that the discovery will destroy the faith.

The newly discovered species of hominid was found to be living in the Ozark Mountains in the northern part of Arkansas. “A tribe was found to be flourishing, hidden in the wilderness,” said Leaker, “living in near primitive conditions, they are pale in appearance with high foreheads, squinty eyes, and bad teeth.” Further evidence suggests that they are hunter-gathers living off of Lima Beans, Tater Gruel, Moonshine Mountain Brittle, Varmint Bites, corn grits and possum.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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