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Mulcair Tells U.S. About Secret Bitumen Agenda

Whispered Rumours of Fire and Brimstone

Ottawa - New Democratic Party leader Thomas Mulcair was in Washington last week spilling the beans on the Harper Government’s plan to create giant bitumen-burning powerplants that will belch sulpherous smoke and ash into the atmosphere to power the nation’s electric cars.

“These things will create GHG emissions that might even rival your own coal-fired plants,” warned the leader of the Loyal Opposition.

“Even more diabolical,” leaked Mulcair airily, “rather than create tailings ponds that everybody detests and gives the industry a bad name, Harper has a secret agenda to clean up oilsands sites by creating tailings rivers which will eventually head south to the States where we need not worry about them anymore.”

Mulcair raged on for almost 90 minutes on the catastrophic environmental dangers of burning raw bitumen but did say he would be in favour of the process if it created good jobs in Quebec, as long as the burners were located elsewhere.

The Prime Minister’s office issued a communiqué to Mulcair regarding his allegations which was obtained with a Freedom of Information request by The Sage.  Here is the correspondence in its entirety; “Dear Tom, Nice job, Dork. – Stephen”

Photo by: Mikhael Miettinen flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor the article endorsed. 

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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