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(SNN) - If you are confused about what is expected of you at your job, I would check with your boss soon. If current affairs are any guide, things that you take for granted, could get murky.

Hosting the Oscars ceremony would – you would think – have a simple job description. Simply link award giving, and don’t look better than the dresses that accompany them. Unfortunately, as there is absolutely nothing trusted to actors and directors remotely close to being described as ‘off the cuff’ throughout this four-hour weep-and-wardrobe fest, the hot is the only comic relief, and everyone has to outdo the last guy. So, all you need is a monologue to get things going, and the occasional funny line that everyone in the room and movie-goers at home would get. The amount of people with ruffled feathers after Seth MacFarlane’s gig last Sunday wasn’t restricted to the room he was in, the company town he was representing, or even anyone in the business. Once the dust had settled, he appeared to have upset every gender, religion, and historically-loved figure in the world. Bad news, right? No. The ratings were up, the broadcast attracted required younger generation, and the off-the-wall, edgy comedy of this wonderfully talented writer and performer was enjoyed by everyone with a skin thicker than a Rhinoceros, or an ex-Italian Prime Minister. So if you are looking for the Oscars to get more G-rated, it ain’t going to happen. Piss off your audience in a live, globally-watched event and you are a hit.

What about your tasks when your job lasts a lifetime? The Pontiff, whose election is guided by God himself, and is overall head of a religion with a global congregation over one billion. From where I sit (which is, by the way, my spare bedroom.), it seems that all you have to do is make a speech every holiday that is repeatable, ensure that your gown is clean, and die in office. Not to fast - Pope Benedict is already on the golf course.

The reasons for doubling up on the number of live Pontiff’s for only the second time in six hundred years appeared to be many and varied: From a health situation so bad that he couldn’t do his laundry, or make the steps up to that balcony once every three months to a suspected cross-dressing sex ring among priests. The former appears plausible, the latter sounds like a Seth MacFarlane gag at the Oscars. Whatever – this guy gets to leave the job while he is still living. Another part of the job description that is, apparently, negotiable.

I’m suggesting you go see your boss, in case you have been doing something wrong for years that you have always thought would be as obviously correct as Premier’s Christy Clark’s plan to woo native people’s votes – whoops!

Yes, it’s been another tough time for those that make their living in the public eye, but everyone mentioned above put their feet up on Friday night with a mug of tea at the end of a tough week and exclaimed: “It could have been worse - I could be Oscar Pistorius.”

About the Writer: Steve James is an Actor, Stand up and Comedy writer in Vancouver BC. He has already e-mailed his Boss about that whole ‘Return On Investment’ thing.
Photo by: Davidlohr Bueso Flickr Photostream - article not endorsed - some right reserved. "My employer's (Oracle) recognition to my work in 2009, an Oscar award."

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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