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Chasing beaver in small town Alberta.

One Alberta town has a case of Beaver Fever.

Millet, AB. - If big cities have big problems, then small towns must have small problems, right? Well that is not necessarily so. In the past we have heard that cities, like Edmonton, Calgary and New York have had animal control issues. Pit Bulls attacking people while they sunbathe in there back yards. In New York, we heard of the urban legend of Alligators biting you from behind as you read the Sunday paper, and finally nearly eight years ago in Edmonton, a Boa Constrictor was found in a woman's kitchen, living in her pan drawer.

The small town of Millet has now joined the ranks of Edmonton, Calgary and New York. Addressing an ongoing problem, the Millet town council are dealing with the issue of the American Beaver. In the past, if the Beavers are not controlled, the parks are flooded; trails blocked by downed trees, and in rainy seasons the pests associated with Beaver (mosquitos), actively biting and threatening us all with the West Nile Virus. This is a serious issue! From Pit Bulls to Beavers.

Citizens attended the meeting with a list of concerns. Some believe that the Beaver is a misunderstood animal, and should be spared. Still others believe that trapping is the only way to remove them; they just don't think that their town should pay for the trapping of these animals. Let us not forget that the beaver is to many an honoured critter.

The Beaver, a Canadian national symbol is found on coins, travel brochures and social club mottos! Surely there must be a humane solution to the pesky beaver.

A Lesson in History:
So… I thought a lesson in history may help, and of course I wanted to put my 2 cents worth in.

The Beaver is of the genus family "Castor Canadensis" The largest rodent in North America and can reach over 1 metre in length and can weigh up to 32 Kgs.

Yep, it's a big sucker!
Beavers make their living-building dams by using their strong jaws to cut down trees with their two front teeth. It is known that a Beaver will attack a human and other animals. If a beaver were to bite on a mans leg it would not reduce biting pressure until it hears bone crushing.

Yep, it's a big scary sucker!
The European Beaver was hunted to near extinction. Hunted for centuries for it's medicinal qualities. Fur is not it's real commodity, the Beaver's testicles were used to make medicine. Pliny the Elder in the 1st century CE wrote: "Beavers in the region of the Black Sea (Pontici) know that they are hunted for the oil produced by their testicles (castoreum), so when they are in danger from hunters they castrate themselves. The beaver has the tail of a fish, and soft fur on its otter-like body. They have a strong bite, cutting down trees as if with steel, and if they bite a man they will not let go until the bones are heard grinding together."

Even in Aesop's Fables we read that; "The beaver, a four-footed animal that lives in pools, knows that he is hunted for his testicles, which are used to cure ailments. When pursued, the beaver runs for some distance, but when he sees he cannot escape, he will bite off his own testicles and throw them to the hunter, and thus escape death."

So what's in a name? The "Castor Canadensis" got its scientific name from the beaver’s castration. The beaver can chew it’s own way to extinction.

The solution is simple folks.
I recommend that the Town of Millet form a committee of "Beaver Chasers" An organized mob of loud eager men. They could chase beaver in a loud and boisterous manner while cautiously entering the parks and creeks areas. Yes sir… let the beaver chasing begin! The end result will be the removal of beavers by self inflicted attrition. That is the answer to Millet's animal control problem. Let the beaver live up to its own name.

But until then remember, their are beaver out there, large, wet and hairy, that can crush any man!

Photo: The beaver, a four-footed animal that lives in pools, knows that he is hunted for his testicles..."

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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