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Pigeons Attack Senior in Feeding Frenzy

Ottawa, ON - In a bizarre, horrific incident, a elderly woman was swarmed by hostile pigeons when she ran out of the popcorn she was feeding them. Onlookers were shocked when the birds began to get more and more aggressive with Gladys Squab, 76, a resident of the Ice Floe Senior's Facility. Though no one actually came to her aid, numerous videos of the unfortunate incident were posted to FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube with some attached comments expressing sadness, "hugz" and a couple "LMFAO"'s. So far, the most popular YouTube video of the attack has already garnered over one million views.

The frail senior was in danger of being completely overwhelmed by the feathered peckers until she reached into her knitting bag and grabbed her Smith and Wesson .45 and blew the heads off a number of the birds before the others took wing and fled.

As Ms. Squab grabbed up the dead carcasses, she was heard to mutter, "I eat again, heh heh heh."

Photo: Ottawa senior "Buzzerd" Gladys Squab frozen in fear moments before the pecking commenced. iPhone image compliments of the Central Park Audubon Society.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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